I'm tired...of all the mess in my life right now. Sometimes i feel life is not being fair to me, with all the complications and obstructions i have to face. Maybe these are all the tribulations of life that i have to go through, some being the punishment of my deeds back then?

Whatever they are, i'd rather have the punishments now in real life than having it in the afterlife. God have mercy on me...

My housing ballots were unsuccessful. Why is it so hard and so expensive to get a house here?? Maybe i should just pitch a tent at East Coast and live there!


SPIRITUAL ADVICE
Last month BF went for a meeting in Manila and at the same time seeked spiritual help from some friends there. Everything went well and he came back with lotsa stories to tell me. He even bought me a nice MP4...aawwwww so sweet!!
Good news and not-so-good news were told. We now know what is the main cause of his miseries but upon hearing the not-so-good news, my heart sank. I became speechless. I looked at him in dismay.
"Why must it be this way??" i asked.
"I don't want to risk our relationship...if we go any step further...for now till i'm 40." he said.
"4 more years??"
"Yes baby...otherwise if we get married now, we may end up going separate ways."
"......"


MISSION IN LIFE
Sometimes when i'm alone, i'd ask God....what is my mission in life?
Have i seen my fair share of trials and tribulations?
Am i a better person now?
What else can i do to make my life better?

I'm mentally worn out. I can't have a decent conversation with anyone without having silent pauses. I'm confused, irritated and disturbed.


LIFE IS A MASK
Life is taking a toll on me. I can feel my energy draining as each day passes by and the fun-seeking person whom i used to be, has gone. My emotions are riding on a roller-coaster; i can be a selfish bitch on one hand and an innocent, quiet observer on the other. One way or another, people were and/or are making use of me.


DON'T JUDGE ME
My life stories are complicated and nobody can put themselves in my shoes. It's too much to tell, some shamed me and some saddens me. You can't imagine the things that i've done in the past, of which i'm paying for it right now.

What's done cannot be undone.

I helped you to help myself. Let's not make things any worse than they are.

If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. Stay away from me cos i'm eliminating my problems bit by bit.

Patience is a virtue....but it drives me crazy at times.

Marriage is a 4-year-wait for me. Well, at least it gives me more time to save up!

I'm digressing. I think i've rambled too much.
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Where's my rainbow after the rain??

Labels: life's trials

elmo was a best friend @ 6:24 PM

Woahh...a lot of blogging to catch up on! Eversince i started facebooking and updating all my other sites, i've neglected my dear old bloggie. Sorry old pal...*rubs bloggie*

It doesn't help that i'm seeing more afternoons and nights, now that my roster has changed. Word goes around that there's gonna be another change in the roster....again!

I managed to escape doing nights for last month and before that, but there's no running away from the 7 nights that had just passed. It reminded me why i opted out from the permanent night shift in the first place. My temperaments would show itself and the slightest wrong word that pissed me off would get an ugly rebut.

I IS FEELING OLD

I can't run away from the fact that i'm indeed growing old. Seeing the energy from the youngsters in my team, i can't help wondering....where did my energy go?? Where was my enthusiasm, my drive, my free-spiritedness?? Did all that get reduced by the increasing age? My God, i'm not even married and have kids yet!

SPEAKING OF MARRIAGE

When do people ever stop asking? Once is enough for you to ask and satisfy your curious mind, but when you keep doing that everytime you see me, you are asking for a tounge lashing! If you happen to be rich and have spare cash, PLEASE donate it to me OR sponsor my marriage. My life is NOT as easy as you think so quit asking me already!! pppppppfffffffffffftttttttttttt!!!!!!!

PEOPLE THINK

Just because i'm already in my 30s and single, does not mean i don't want to get married and start a family. Life has been hard for me and i don't need people to remind me of how old i'm getting and all the sins i'm putting up with...yadda yadda yadda. You can keep your religious opinions to yourself, thank you very much! I know i'm not a perfect muslim but i know where my faith lies.

Yes, i have a boyfriend and we are in a very steady and committed relationship but there's always more to things than meets the eye. Everybody has his own problems and so do we. If life wasn't so complicated, we would have gotten married and making babies by now. So don't assume.

ENVY

Yes, i'm envious. That's probably one of my deadly sins in life.
I'm envious of friends who can do better than me.
I'm envious of people who have a better life than me.
I'm envious of families who have such a close bond between them.
I'm envious of people who still have their parents to dote on.
And i'm sure you have some envy inside you too. Admit it.
But somehow i managed to balance out these envious feelings...by turning that envy into a driving motivation.

WANTS

Make them into a WANT, to motivate you to zap out that negative feelings and make that WANT into a possibility.
I WANT TO DO BETTER.
I WANT TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE.
I WANT TO BUILD A FAMILY WITH CLOSE BONDS.
I WANT MY PARENTS BACK....unfortunately that WANT is an impossible one. Sigh.

COLOURFUL CHARACTERS IN MY LIFE

Life has given me the opportunity to meet so many people of different characters. Some have become long-time pals, some are there just for a season, some are really true friends going through thick and thin together. There are some people whom i wished would be long term pals but due to situations and circumstances, that friendship was broken.

I really miss all the girl-talks and outings that we used to have. I wish you all well in your careers and whatever you do. What i don't understand is that, why question my relationship? I was trying my best to balance my time between the two. Apparently, my best wasn't good enough for you guys.

It's hard for me to find a truly good friend whom i can have a really good chat, share all my life stories and understand me for what i am and what i've been through. So that's why, i'm treasuring the few ones that i have now and my fellow online buddies who have been giving me good advice and encouragements.

Thank You!

Labels: yadda yadda

elmo was a best friend @ 1:12 PM

Yup i'm back! The truth is, i've been lazy to update my blogspot, multiply and etc etc.....and i was always procrastinating hehehe.

We always have to take some time to readjust back to reality after coming back from a vacation. Back to work, back to paying bills, yadda yadda yadda. I hate that transition period.

Phuket was okay, handling a group of 13 people was not. LoL!

It wasn't easy, but me and BF managed to squeeze some quiet time together without the rest of the group. He likes it there, and we even made some plans to start something there. *cross fingers*

I've uploaded the pics from the group trip, u can see it here.

There's a lot of changes at the workplace. All i can say for now is, my team roster's changing to a rotating afternoon and night shifts. I have not been doing night shifts for so long now....jeng jeng jeng! I still prefer the old roster though! And as usual, there's always the office politics! Too much for me to mention it here LoL!

Shit....somebody just won a big sum of money from the 4D lottery! When m i gonna win something like that??

Labels: back

elmo was a best friend @ 2:22 PM

Yes....my long awaited holiday is here! I'm now packing my stuff for my flight which will be in 6hours time.

*weeeeee*

i can't wait!!

Paradise.........here i come!

i will be back on sunday, for now i wanna forget all the irrops and whatnots. i hope the weather's fine there.

Ouhh...we have bought a new bike! We exchanged the old phantom for an X8. It seems to be a bit more stable and smooth. We have taken it for its virgin ride to Johor. Hopefully it will serve us better. *cross fingers*

Well...i gotta go! Need to hit the showers and get ready now. See you all soon and have a great week!

*muacks*

Labels: out of town

elmo was a best friend @ 1:49 AM

After the accident i had a total of 6 days(4 days mc and 2 days off) rest at home. The accident left me traumatised for a while and in order not to let the phobia of riding bikes get to me, i had to get myself used to ride bikes again.

I didn't realised how much the accident had affected me until me and BF rode the bike and went past the same road again. My heart was beating fast, my hands shivered as i held onto BF tightly and tears filled my eyes. As we passed the exact spot that we fell, i looked the other way and tried to think of other things to get it off my mind. But the minutes of terror seemed to keep on playing in my mind and i saw flashes of the accident in my eyes. I was terrified...but i don't want it to torment me forever. I have to face my fear. Death IS inevitable but i keep on praying that we don't die in the worst terrible manner.

It's been a couple of days since i'm back to work. Everybody has been so concern and it's so nice to feel all the love. My manager is kind enough to enquire with HR about my accident expenses and assisted me on the claim. It's nice to be back in the team again.

BF has decided to trade the old bike for a new one. The bike has been our main mode of transportation all this while but we have to settle for something else. Once BF completes and passes his driving test, we will go for a simple car. Hopefully everything goes well.

Thankfully, my injuries are healing. I feel what it's like to be slightly handicapped and i really salute to all those handicapped who made it on their own. I'm thankful that i'm a fully abled person and i should make the most of what i can do right now.

All praises to God.

Labels: recovery

elmo was a best friend @ 12:45 PM